Bachelorette Party Massacre

I am terrified of bachelorette parties. Like honestly "hide behind someone, fake a cellphone conversation, fake a seizure to avoid them" terrified of them. Originally, I was ok with them. Cute girls on a mission to get drunk with a social obligation to misbehave and talk to random guys at the bar. As a random guy, how could I not be onboard with this? A few years ago one night ruined it for me forever.

It all started out as an average Saturday night, me and some friends were at a local bar when I see a bachelorette party enter the bar. They walk around selling beads, scamming drinks out of strangers, screaming "Woooooooooooooooo!" every 7 minutes - all pretty standard stuff. Then one of the girls comes up to me and says "Hey, my friend is getting married next weekend and she thinks your really hot but she's shy, will you go ask her to dance? I'll buy you a beer."

"Awesome!! How could this possibly go wrong?" I thought. But in my defense, who could have really predicted the way things would turn out? I walk over to the bride and notice that when she's not screaming "WHOOOOOOO!" or having one of her friends smash a shot into her face for her, she's really cute.

By this time, I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I ask her to dance as she blushes, smiles shyly and says "absolutely".

So this was a college sports bar, meaning there was not really a whole lot of dancing, so the friend her's who approached me plays a slow song on the bar jukebox and we start to slow dance while everyone else at the bar gets back to making bad decisions around us. So the thing about dancing with this bride to be, is it suddenly gets awkward, she seems sweet, she's cute...but she's wearing a wedding veil. I realized then and there it's not a very natural feeling to hit on a girl wearing a wedding veil (call me old-fashioned, but...). Unless it's Halloween, then I guess it's ok. Any other time of year, though, it's kinda weird. So I just say "so I hear you're getting married next weekend, congratulations".

Take note. The second I uttered the word congratulations was the last second of my life that I was not afraid of bachelorette parties.

She then looks up at me with these big brown eyes as are slowly swaying back and forth in a crowd of drunks and starts crying hysterically and shrieking "I don't want to do it! I just don't think I can go through with it! Don't make me do it!" and buried her head in my chest as she sobbs.

...

To top it off, this was at the very beginning of the song. Too shocked to do much else, I then spend the next 3.5 minutes awkwardly swaying back and forth with a sobbing bride-to-be.

Finally the song is over, I ask her if she's ok, she just says "I'm sorry" and runs off to the bathroom crying. Then I look around and there are about 50 people wondering what the hell I just did to that poor bride-to-be.

I look around, go find her friend - the girl who got me into this trainwreck in the first place, and tell her:
1) Her friend just went nuts and after shrieking about how she doesn't want to get married, she's now in the bathroom crying
2) This will actually cost her 2 beers, instead of the one she had promised earlier. Who could say I didn't earn it?

Her response: "Oh no, not again". So after buying me my beers, apologizing for her friend, and assuring me that her friend really did think I was really cute, she went off to the bathroom to find her friend.


After I got back to my friends, before I could even tell my tale of horror, a girl from a different bachelorette party comes over and asks if she can buy my underwear for $8 for a scavenger hunt.

Now when I see a group of girls at the bar screaming "WOOOOOOOOO" while trying to sell beads and suckers (it's basically panhandling), I have a small flashback and try to stay out of sight.

Also, I wonder whatever happened to that girl.